Interview Pastor Andrew & Heather Neumann

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

2 Corinthians 4:8–10

LM-A Communications spoke with Pastor Andrew Neumann and his wife, Heather, about their experience of suffering and how it affects their faith.

How have you experienced suffering in your life? 

Pastor Andrew: Just common suffering for 50 years, including some generalised anxiety managed by lifestyle. The last 5 years I have been housebound (no driving, wheelchair outings) with severe ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). This means that “the Spirit is willing, but the Flesh is weak” (both physical and cognitive fatigue). I feel like I’m trapped in a 100-year-old’s body. I must carefully manage my energy (known as pacing, with no ‘pushing’) to avoid energy crashes. Google it for more detail. 

Heather: Having children with extra needs introduced me to suffering. Seeing Andrew suffer now is painful. He misses much of our kids and grandkid’s lives, so they suffer too. Being too unwell for travel means he’s missed family events including our son’s wedding. My carer responsibilities challenge me, particularly carrying the mental load and responsibility by myself.  

How has this suffering affected your relationship with each other? 

Pr Andrew: ME/CFS has attacked my sense of worth as a husband and father. I feel like a “dead weight” dragging Heather and the children down. I cannot lead, protect and provide for my family as previously. 

Heather: Andrew has so little energy, yet I need to share him (he is a father, friend and pastor). I miss our old closeness developed through shared activities, deep conversations, spontaneity and fun. His limited listening makes me feel less known. I miss love shown though his smile and laugh, when his face muscles are ‘frozen’. I’m learning to make the most of what ‘is’- slowing down and appreciating little moments. My marriage vows ‘For better and for worse’ remind me to be intentional as a wife and to view my caring as ways to love and serve him. I’m thankful for wonderful pre-sickness memories but we will make different ones going through this together.  

How has it affected your relationship with God? 

Pr Andrew: Sundays when I should be leading Divine Service are particularly hard. Attending church is difficult, and even then, I can’t stand, sing or socialise without injuring myself. Why did God guide me to the pastoral office in midlife, just to serve 5 years before this? The upside is that my prayer life has continued and grown in new ways.  

Heather: I needed to grow in character and skills (maintenance, home business stuff, practising hospitality by myself). This led me to lean on God in new ways- talking to him and praying about so many more things (even plumbing!). He’s been my guide, companion and comforter. Others see Andrew in best moments - so much of our suffering is hidden. But God SEES and KNOWS, bringing me great comfort. 

What has God taught you about suffering? 

Pr Andrew: While all suffering is a consequence of sin and living in a fallen world, there is “smart and dumb” suffering. “Dumb” suffering is what we bring on ourselves and can be minimised by the sanctified life. “Smart” suffering comes from outside our control, sometimes just a broken world like drought, or harm from others, then sometimes natural growth like childbirth, or best of all persecution for confessing “Jesus is Lord”. How we deal with “smart suffering” is to bring glory to God. 

Heather: I’ve learnt I can be REAL with God as I experience hard tasks and emotions (anger, resentment, jealousy, loss and grief). As I need and trust him, he provides: peace, energy, guidance. Many people offer their opinions, so I have pressed into what God’s word says. Suffering is not a punishment or because we aren’t Christian enough. In fact, the Bible tells us we will have suffering, but God works through it. 

Do you have any advice for people who are suffering physically, emotionally or spiritually? 

Pr Andrew: Galatians 6:2a says “Bear one another’s burdens”, while Gal 6:5 says, “For each will have to bear his own load”. We need to get our thinking right about what parts of life are a “load” everyone must bear compared to a “burden” that is extra to the usual load and should be shared. We are tempted to either misplace our common “load” onto others, or to keep our excessive “burden” to ourselves. Talking this through with mature Christians who can bring God’s Word to you is a great help. Then talking (shouting, weeping…) this through with God in prayer is a most powerful thing.  

Heather: God is with you! Picture yourself in his arms where he guides, comforts and reassures. People often don’t know how to respond to someone suffering but that doesn’t mean they don’t care. Be willing to ask for help, which is hard and humbling. When suffering feels all consuming, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in his wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace” (hymn). 

What gives you hope as you look to the future? 

Pr Andrew: Three things. Remembering that I belong to God my Father, for I am his child through Baptism. Remembering that I am valuable and loved by God, as demonstrated by Jesus through his suffering unto death on the cross, and his giving himself to me now in Holy Communion. And (most difficult in my suffering) remembering that my life has significance and purpose, demonstrated by God’s promise to hear and act upon my prayers by the power of the Holy Spirit. No matter how suffering may have “reduced” my life, by the power of the Holy Spirit I can still make a significant contribution through prayer. 

Heather: Andrew’s only had a little improvement during his sickness, so I don’t dwell on the future much. I hoped each specialist seen would have the answer. Now I focus on daily walking with our faithful God knowing he is enough whether I feel it or not. And so, I can be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12).